Father, What Do You Want Me to Know?

 12:53 p.m.

Monday, December 9th, 2024

I've kept a journal my entire life since junior high school, I think. There is a colossal box downstairs with more than 15 journals. I feel some way about having a burn party and lighting a flame to all those memories, but I also don't go back to re-read them. Not only would I consider it a bit "cringy," but I also don't know what kind of headspace I would stumble upon all these years later. We've all done dirt, but to read your own and still have free access to read it voluntarily seems like a weird punishment. 

Anyway, I'm at a crossroads right now. It's a beautiful one, but I'm lost. It's the feeling I had when I first arrived in Louisiana in 2006 after Hurricane Katrina. I came from Georgia, where I'd spent eight years as an almost peach - that's what you become if you live in Georgia for at least 10 years - studying print journalism and Spanish at Clark Atlanta University. I wanted to "make it" out there, so I stayed after getting my two bachelor's degrees and worked three jobs. I was a bilingual receptionist with AirTran Airways, an editor at Spanish-English newspaper Atlanta Latino, and a copyeditor elsewhere. The name escapes me; it's been so long ago. No car - MARTA (the public transportation system) went everywhere. 

My brother was stationed in the Navy and headed to Louisiana. He said he'd have a chance to see Maw Maw (that's how we say grandma in New Orleans) and that he was moving there with my sister (in-law) and my nephews. I told him, "Good luck," but your girl was not moving to hot Lewziana! We visited two, maybe three times when we were younger. Well, he visited every summer. But I recall fewer visits; each was an unbearable heat. Summertime was just weird. Why wasn't the wind blowing? Why was it that hot? And the one summer my cousin Julius had an asthma attack, that was it for me. "Pass. I'm definitely not coming," I told him. 

We are both pretty set in our ways once a decision is made, so he kept asking. I kept denying it, but my situation in Atlanta wasn't improving. Rotating jobs for barely any pay didn't seem wise, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I packed up my one-bedroom apartment in Decatur and drove to LaPlace, LA. 

I stayed for 17 years until my husband came to get me in 2024. We are in Colorado now, and I'm so happy. The thing is, I'm not working. Well, not the traditional 9-to-5 I had while in education in Louisiana. I'm working on my own business now, which is exciting but scary and frustrating sometimes. Especially since we're living on one income - his. 

What a blessing to say that I don't have to work and be supported by my husband at home to pursue my heart's desire and our wish to build generational wealth. The process, though, is not for the faint at heart. One of the quotes I have in my journal is from Dr. Dee Dee Freeman. "Keep your focus on the promise, not the process," she said. Whew. That's a mouthful. What did God say? What did He tell you? What did He tell me? Looking at what everyone else is doing or saying only lengthens the process and distracts you from the promise. 

Just today, I was about to get into my feelings. I was doing all this research, looking at items on Pinterest: How to Partner with God in Business, How to Start a Blog in Less Than 20 Minutes, How to Make $50,000 a Month Blogging, How to Start a Print on Demand and Etsy Business from Scratch. 

Then, I walked downstairs and looked at my bookshelf to check out some publishing companies. Maybe I'd get some ideas of what websites looked like from them. And the more I researched and scrolled through pages, the more aggravated and overwhelmed I became. 

I thought, Why is this taking so long? What am I missing? I know how to create. I just need to know how to make it work for me and how to put it out there so people know what I do.

Then, my husband called. Perfect time to vent. I listened to him share his heart, too. As an elementary school principal, he's got his share of stories. After I voiced everything I'd done, I told him, "I need to get into my prayer closet." 

So, here's what I have. 

I read these scriptures out loud on repeat and added affirmations to them:

1. I have whatever I ask for. Matthew 21:22
   If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. 
   
   
2.  My gift [love of languages, copyediting, logo/graphic/journal design, and technology corporate training] makes room for me and puts me in front of important people. Proverbs 18:16
   A person's gift makes room for him and leads him before important people. 
   
   
3. God answers me when I seek Him. I don't have to be afraid. Psalms 34:4
   I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. 
   
   
4. Failure is not an option. Psalms 46:5
   God is within her; she will not fall. 
   
   
5. God's hand is on my business(es). Extra hours don't mean a thing. Proverbs 10:22
   The Lord's blessing is our greatest wealth. All our work adds nothing to it. 
   
   
6. Father knows what I need before I say a word. Matthew 6:8
   Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
   
   
7. You can't even imagine what's coming next! 1 Corinthians 2:9
   No eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor mind imagined what God has prepared for those who love him. 
   
   
8. Jesus listens to me. Jeremiah 29:12
   Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 
   
   
9. My mind does not wander. My thoughts are on Jesus. 2 Corinthians 10:5
   We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
   
   
10. I go to God for help and he gives me every good thing. Psalms 34:10 
    But those people who go to the Lord for help will have every good thing. 

You can find these scriptures, the quote above, and more inspiration in my dot and lined journals and affirmation cards in my Etsy Shop at lingolinesbynjcb.etsy.com

Follow me on Instagram at notjustaclassroomblog. 

Thanks for stopping by. Ask Father what He wants you to know. 

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